Hail to thee our Alma Mater

I feel like rambling. I'm tired and worked late tonight. It probably did not help that I was sexually harassed by a Somerset janitor and forced to file a "police" (read: Somerset security) report. So I've had a long evening.

But I'm a tad perturbed, not by the almost-rape that occurred in a dark service elevator earlier this evening (or more appropriately, as it's already 12:36, last night); rather, I am bothered by the fact that I will not be attending my college graduation this upcoming weekend. Not that I ever had planned on it. I wasn't going to attend, as I felt that it wasn't really that important. I am keenly aware of my accomplishments, and so is my family. That being said, there is a part of me somewhere that feels like I should be attending, that I should recognize and acknowledge the huge accomplishment this truly is for me (it would take several days for me to describe the enormous hurdles I had to overcome in order to get here, to this place in life, as an alumnus). My older brother and parents were very insistent that I attend graduation, but neither my younger brother (who graduated the same semester as I did) nor myself felt like it mattered any.

Well, now I haven't the choice to make. Instead, it has automatically been made for me. My second and final bridal shower is this Saturday. So the option to attend is no longer there. And somehow that makes me long that much more for the chance to go. Because, really, I will never know what I am missing out on if I wasn't there to experience it. That's sort of always been my philosophy, the idea that if I fail to just try something, then I won't know whether it was meant for me or not.

Somehow this situation seems deeply poetic to me, this idea that I will miss out on a pivotal milestone celebration, college graduation, directly as the result of another pivotal milestone: a celebration linked to my impending wedding. What does it mean? Probably nothing. I have a propensity to look deeper into things, and try to find meaning where it doesn't otherwise exist. I suppose ultimately I just feel melancholic about the celebration. I know I would probably just hope for the day to end if I went to graduation; hell, I already have my degree- what do I need the pomp and circumstance for?

Oh well.